Monday, March 7, 2011

Me Now, Me Always!

In discovering a new way of being, I have often struggled with self doubt over leaving my career as an attorney, wondered whether I am good enough, bold enough, "together" enough to really be successful walking a  new path. These times of doubt and worry have often been accompanied by a stream of consciousness rant that includes every reason why I'm not good enough, bold enough, or "together" enough to be a success. And, I had an eye-opening conversation on Friday morning that has changed my attitude about this - forever.

Suppose, just for a minute that I am the only person left on Earth. No one else exists to ask me why I would leave a lucrative, promising, secure life as an attorney to create paper mache bowls, tell stories, and become an energy practitioner. No one is around to comment on my haircut, my weight, or the size of my lunch. No one else is there to make me doubt my own self-worth, my choices as to how to live my life, or the authenticity of my proclaimed happiness, despite the appearance of financial insecurity. No one is there to create a whisper of doubt, a breeze of insecurity, or a firestorm of self loathing. No one is there . . . but me.

So, I considered, if no one is there to trigger my doubts, insecurities, and negative thoughts, why would I create them for myself? Why would I entertain these limiting thoughts of my own free will? Why would I choose to harm myself in such a destructive way? And, if I chose to shower myself with positive, loving, nourishing thoughts when no one else was there, why would I choose anything less when I am not alone? That, I thought, is an excellent question.

So today I choose to love me, all of me, right now, right here, as I AM. I have nothing to lose, after all. Absolutely nothing.


  1. Today I choose to love you, all of you, right now, right here, as you are! xoxo

  2. Esther - you are not the only person I know who left behind a successful career to pursue their passions. My daughter did it - left the safety of being a software engineer to breed dogs and own a kennel.

    Gretchen Rubin - The Happiness Project (great book - one of my top ten) - was very successful as an attorney before turning to writing.

    I just found this blog - chookooloonks - who also left behind her career to reinvent herself.

    Jonathan Fields, former yoga instructor, is another one.

    From The Art of Nonconformity:

    A 4-Step Encouragement Mantra for the Journey

    (Note: from Chris - I wrote this in first-person, for myself… but please steal and modify it for yourself.)

    1. I can do it.
    2. I could always have a regular life somewhere.
    3. But I’ve chosen a different path.
    4. And I won’t give up.

    I really liked the fact that you realized you were talking to yourself like this and there was no one there saying it. I go through this with my husband - he's an artist & photographer - he'll say "they said. . ." or "people think. . ." and I"ll say WHO said that. Well, no one. That's what he thinks they're saying.

    Wow is this long. Hope it makes sense. You're doing a good job of figuring it out. Stick with it and don't be afraid to adjust the sails if necessary.


    P.S. If you need a laugh, look at my blog for today to see my mother shivering in the snow. She loved it!