I'd heard for years about the concept and power of choosing one's thoughts, but it wasn't until February 2022, two months into my Heartwork Journaling Certification that that concept became embodied. I was hysterical, practically hyperventilating, and crying as my husband told me to breathe from the passenger seat immediately after our car was hit from behind in an intersection. I'd tapped the brakes lightly, slightly confused about a flashing yellow light on a left hand turn when our car was shoved violently across the intersection.
While completely hysterical and gasping for breath many thoughts came to mind: "I did this. It's all my fault. I fail at everything. I shouldn't be allowed to live." AND ... then a flash of awareness:
"I choose my thoughts!"
I was still hysterical and being coached by my husband to just breathe as my mind reeled, asking, "What actually happened?"
I realized in that moment that I could continue to beat myself up, berate myself, and feel badly for as long as I desired telling and retelling the story of my supposed failure OR I could become really present with the reality of the situation, which simply was: the car needed to be fixed. That is it. The car needed to be fixed. In that flash of understanding I realized that that simple fact meant nothing about me, my ability to succeed at life, my worth, deservingness, or my competence. Absolutely nothing. And I was free. Free from the sometimes tyrannical voice in my head that was critical, judgmental, and at times self loathing.
From that startling moment onward, I have embarked on a journey of revelatory discovery as I come into a deeper awareness of what I am thinking, discerning whether those thoughts are helpful, and embracing the freedom and power inherent in knowing with certainty that I can and do choose my own thoughts.
Our brains are our own personal king/queendom with a running soundtrack that seems random, programmed from outside sources, and out of our control, but is really just a part of being human that is 100% within our control always. Realizing this is so incredibly freeing. It isn't always easy to capture those pesky thoughts, especially the ones that we have been thinking for so long we don't even notice them anymore, we just assume they are true: beliefs. Once I realized I could actually choose my thoughts, however, I became fascinated by the process of figuring out what nonsense I had assumed I had to listen to on my inner soundtrack and I started changing the channel.
"I did this" became "Nothing has gone wrong."
"I fail at everything" became "Every time I 'fail' I learn something new and that new thing moves me forward in life."
"I shouldn't be allowed to live," became "This experience is a part of life. I have the power to choose my response to anything I experience. I chose to respond with kindness and love for myself an others."
Realizing that I have the power to choose my thoughts and change my thoughts has softened my inner self talk, expanded my view of the world, and forever altered how I navigate my experiences. I am forever grateful for that hysterical moment of clarity that I may not have embodied as fully had I not been having a very real, visceral reaction to being in an accident I thought I'd caused. I am especially grateful for Maritza Parra, founder of Heartwork Journaling, for gently teaching, showing, and modeling for me the power, potential, and possibility of choosing one's thoughts. You can learn from her too.
Wednesday-Sunday, November 15-19
Doodle Your Emotions: Live with Maritza Parra, Online
"Emotional Awareness is a SKILL you can learn to create the life you want. Creativity and play is INCREDIBLY effective at creating lasting change. Doodles allow you to observe your thoughts, emotions, behaviors and how they all contribute to creating your results. Join this live 5 day series and use simple creativity to achieve deep and lasting personal growth. Cost: $47"
Note: this is an affiliate link (my very first!) I believe in this work strongly because it changed my life, so I partnered with Maritza to bring her work to you. If you enroll in DYE using this link I will receive a portion of your registration fee.
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